Victim: Checkmate
Jun 20, 2021
A man & a woman come to a 3rd party to receive "help." One is an abuser. One is a victim.
When counselors, churches, friends, any 3rd party, put pressure on a victim to confess sin or apologize for any shortcoming within the relationship, they unknowingly checkmate the victim to endure further abuse.
The assumption is that the abuser has a conscience and will respond more gently or humbly when they hear the victim apologize for her stuff. The assumption is that the abuser will feel less threatened & will in turn, apologize for his stuff as well, creating a new space of humility & trust.
THIS IS A FALSE ASSUMPTION.
This NEVER happens with an abuser. NEVER.
If the victim agrees & apologizes for any shortcoming, the abuser takes the apology & weaponizes it, EVERY.TIME. Now he has something he can bring out & use over & over, whenever he needs "proof" that she is actually the difficult one, not him.
If the victim refuses to apologize when a 3rd party suggests, she is then redefined as stubborn, prideful, difficult, arrogant, lacking humility, maybe even a narcissist herself.
They both get redefined, with the victim being labeled & treated as the abuser, and the actual abuser being labeled & treated as the victim.
This is re-victimization. It is foolishness. It is cruel. It is unjust.
And it happens every day.
We need to be wiser at recognizing an Abuser when he's in our midsts, and braver at responding to an Abuser with more justice.
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**abuser/victim can be either gender, can occur in both opposite & same sex relationships